2010

I’ve been trying to write this post in my head for a long time, and I still don’t know exactly what I want to say. After two and a half years of fighting cancer tooth and nail, we lost our Princess Honeydog on July 27th of 2010. It became clear to us that the tumor was growing in March, and we dedicated the last few months of her life to spending quality time with her, and making her as happy as possible.

I don’t think I’ve ever shared here what Cameron and I did when honey became ill and we decided to pursue an aggressive course of radiation. We knew we would be able to *barely* afford it, but beyond money, our commitment to Honey and her health was to spend as much time with her as possible, and to make sure her needs were always met. Cameron changed his work schedule so that he worked only nights and I worked only days. In the two years she battled cancer, the longest stretch of time Honey was alone was about four hours, and we arranged for a neighbor to stop by. We only went on trips where Honey could come, and traveled separately when it was not an option. Honey has been cross country with us twice, she’s frolicked in all corners of Florida, Georgia, Tennessee, North and South Carolina, seen the Grand Canyon, 4 corners, the painted desert, Carlsbad Caverns, Dollywood (yes really), California, Texas, Arizona, Alabama, and even been rafting on the Nantahala. She’s swum in the Pacific, Atlantic, Gulf, and almost every river, sinkhole and lake we came across. She was our baby, our first priority and our best friend.

Through the last few months of her life, Cameron and I talked knew she would tell us when she was ready to go, and we developed a plan with our vet so she would be as comfortable as possible. Until the end, Honey was full of life and surprises. For her last month we fed her a lamb chop for dinner every night, and she developed her own special way of letting us know that was ‘chop time’ (this involved significant tail wagging and some growling, then leading us to the kitchen. I said SPECIAL, not subtle). And on her last morning she stood up and greeted the vet with a wagging tail. I will miss her every day. I was truly blessed to share my life with her.

2010 :)

I just wanted to do a quick update – Honey had xrays to check for metastasis on December 7 and she was STILL ALL CLEAR!!! This is huge – average survival for this type of cancer post radiation is 1.5 – 2 years. Honey will celebrate her 2 years in February. Over the holidays she went with us to Santa Fe for a week and got to wear sweaters, take rides in the car and eat snow. She loved it. I’ll let you know how her Feb xrays come out, but here are some recent pics of Hun:

With her friend Copper

Snoozing

In the car on the ride to Taos, NM

Exploring with her people :)

Not wild about the deeper snow, but just fine with being held


Overlooking the Rio Grande in northern New Mexico

19 Months Out of Radiation

And Honey's lymph nodes and lungs are still all clear :) She jumped up on the reception desk when we walked into the vet's office and ran over to the receptionist, stepped over her keyboard and licked her face. This is my 9 (SOON TO BE 10) year old dog with cancer. And arthritis. And cataracts. Who's blind in one eye. She remembered exactly what we wanted on the scale, and climbed up in the chair in the exam room to sit between us. Spoiled freaking dog.

She still can’t breathe out of her nose, and one of our friends suggested Benadryl. While it hasn’t magically reopened her sinuses, it’s for sure helped her sleep sounder and longer, and magically, we’re able to stick a ball in her mouth once instead of 5 times during the night. This means we get a full night’s sleep as well, and it is BEAUTIFUL.

Summer of the Hunndog - 2009

Honey helping me eat salmon sushi at an outdoor sushi place in Larchmont

Howdy! Summer out here is HOT. I know I should have expected that, it being summer and all, but C’s family came to visit and I was at least 100 every day. I had to arm wrestle a woman at kmart for the last table fan, which we’ve owned for about 5 days and hasn’t been turned off yet. The fires haven’t helped. It was cruddy and smuggy and yeech for a few days, and the station fire was clearly visible from our roof. One of our neighbors also had a heart attack, and since he has Carmine, a 12 year old 65 pound fluffy mutt with a pinched nerve who gets along with Honey, we figured we were the best option for him while his pack was in the hospital recovering. It took about 2 weeks, and by that point Carmine and Honey were well and truly a pack. I was never more than 7 inches from an old hot dog. I’d take a shower and by the time I was finished they’d both be standing in the bathroom looking at me like ‘omg it’s got her, what are we gonna do?!?’ While Carmine was with us, Honey developed a urinary tract infection. She woke me up at about 4 am and asked to go out, which is WAY out of character. I woke C up because I was nervous to go outside at 4 am, and made him promise to watch us from the window while we walked. I got Honey and Carmine on leashes and we went downstairs and out front and while they were sniffing around for a suitable place to tinkle, one of the homeless people who make a living out of collecting cans and turning them in for the recycle fee started yelling at me. I think she wanted to me let in the locked parking lot to go through the building’s recycle bins, but as soon as she shouted and started to walk towards me, both dogs went NUTS. I’ve known Carmine for 3 years and never heard him bark before. Both he and Honey were at the very end of their leashes snarling. I’ve been taking care of Honey and thinking how fragile she is for so long that I totally forgot she was such a good guard dog. When she as about 2, someone tried to break into a house she was staying in, they had unscrewed about half the bars that were over the window, and Honey broke the window out with her nose. I know this because she had a tiny cut, the glass was broken outwards, and the hole in the window was nose-shaped. Needless to say, nobody ever broke in.

Honey on C's chair, on C's shirt, with a ball he gave her in her mouth

Carmine the floofy dog

The most surprising part of all this was that Honey was ok with Carmine in her space. She let us love on him and even let him on the bed (once, and very briefly) but wasn’t at all mean. I have to admit I was worried that she would be sad when Carmine finally went home, but that happened Monday and she doesn’t seem at all fussed, despite the PLAYING they did Sunday and Monday. I was shocked. Normally (well, since cancer) she exists to regulate and prevent play in other dogs, but she did that frisk / front legs down and butt up, tail waving combo in his direction. C witnessed the phenom first and was all ‘LINDSAYOMGCOMEHERERIGHTNOWYOUWONTBELIEVETHIS’ and I almost fainted. It’s been years since I’ve seen her do that to another dog (she does it to us like 3 times a day). She has been having some trouble breathing through her nose lately, and we increased her prednisone to 10 mg a day. This means she gets a charge out of barking at joggers and GOD FORBID a dog walk by on the sidewalk where she can hear its tags jingling. But so far it’s making breathing easier. In fact, I just got a text that says ‘modified ball breathage’ so that’s a step in the right direction J she will sleep for a while with the ball in her mouth, but as soon as it falls out, she wakes us up to make her feel better. Last night I got sleep in 2 hour blocks. Not fun.

Visiting her friend Arnette a month or so ago.

my... what a delightful toy...

She’s also – drumrooooooollll – 20 months out from her diagnosis!! So awesome. She’s actually due for her every three months xrays pretty soon. I’ll update again when I know how her lungs look.

17 months!!

Honey had her every-3-month chest xrays yesterday, and apparently climbed right up on the chair in the waiting room and sat down on it like a person. The doc even examined her while she was sitting in the chair, and gave her some lay's potato chips, that spoiled brat. But the good news is that she's now 17 months out of her original diagnosis, where we were given 3-6 weeks, and her lungs are "fantastically clear" and her lymph nodes are "perfect" and her heart sounds "awesome" (a concern 'cause she's been on prednisone). Also, her energy is great and her coat is all shiny and she's HAPPY, which is the most important part :)

post-palliative checkup

So Honeydog weighs 62 pounds. Pretty impressive for a dog who was at an all-time low of 42 during the thick of definitive radiation side effects last year. It looks like we're out of the woods side - effet wise now, nothing should pop up, and she doesnt seem to have any sores or pain. We've been keeping her on tramadol in case she's hurting but so far it seems all good. She did feel bad Sunday, and we all just stayed in bed and watched movies until she got up, then we took her to petsmart for some noms. The vet said we can go ahead and start weaning her off tramadol and then off prednisone after about a week. She'll get some follow up xrays in July to look at her lungs.

Through Radiation, on to world dominays-HUN-s.

Hun had her last dose of palliative radiation Monday and has (as of Wednesday afternoon) no side effects. I don’t think we’re out of the woods totally yet, we’re waiting until next Tuesday when she has her follow-up vet visit to clal a victory, but she can already breathe out of her nose and sleep through the night and apparently had a BLAST going to the vet every day and made a friend, Candy, who also has nasal chondrosarcoma and even looks like Honey. Boyfriend didn’t manage to get a picture because they were licking each other and wouldn’t hold still, but I’m impressed, since she started losing sight in her left eye she’s been pretty mean (scratch that, downright catty) to virtually all other dogs. Case in point - last night we had to wake her up and bribe her with duck jerky to take her for a walk at like 11pm, and she was seriously dragging – giving us these looks like ‘I cannot believe you would be so cruel as to make me ride an elevator and actually take multiple steps, you obviously live to torture doggies and don’t love me’ but its all an act, as soon as Maybelline (a grey pit-bull rescue that live in the building, about 3 years old, and mega-submissive, really a doll) and her human walked outside Honey launched herself across the sidewalk snarling with all her hackles up and teeth showing. I had to catch her in mid-air as she flew by me.

We’ve been giving her tramadol and prednisone and we’re both glad we get to start weaning her off. I think another few days on the tramadol to make sure no sores pop up and any that might be inside her sinuses have time to heal and we’ll cut the does. She’s acting completely fine though, playing tug of war and fetch, nosepunching the food container when shes ready for dinner (which is about every 45 minutes) and attempting to eat all the other dogs she can see. I think we’re going to take her to the beach over memorial day, or at least to get some pinkberry. I need to take some pictures of her for the vet, they have her day-by-day side effects photos from first round radiation and I wanted to give them the same for palliative, I think it would really help anyone whose dog is going through this, to see how hun reacted to both kinds. The problem is she wont stay still long enough for me to actually take a decent pic. Its always like honey mid-run or honey chewing on a ball or honey eating. I’ll really devote some time to it tonight, and I’ll post so everyone can see her xmen ‘do.

Recent pictures of the Hun

It's been a pretty miserable weekend.

Looks like her tumor is indeed "larger in some places" according to the vet. We're doing a long course of hellishly strong antibiotics to help with the sinus infection, swelling and resulting inflammation. They haven't really started working yet. She's acting just fine, playing and prancing and wanting to go with and bogarting the bed. I, however, have been dissolving into tears every 45 minutes or so all week. Every time she makes a stuff-ed up breathing noise I go right back to that awful month where none of us slept and I was sure she was going to die at any moment. I'm leaving in about 20 minutes to go get boyfriend (who's coming home from NY, and who's plane should have landed an hour ago) and I'm glad I get to take Hun with me.

I know we got more than an extra year from the radiation. She should have died in February 2008 and its March 30 2009. And I am happy. I am grateful and humbled and I know we made the best use of that time. But I wanted to be one of those people who are still coming back to the vet for the 'every-3-months-chest-x-ray' 7 years after radiation.

Honding my breath

The vet gave Honey antibiotics after our last visit, she has having some nose drainage issues. she finished the course on Thursday or Friday and by last night was draining again. We've scheduled a CT scan for tomorrow, to "check the status" of the tumor. Apparently it could be growing again. For that they do aplliative radiation, which is 5 courses instead of the 30 she had before. Hopefully we'll know tomorrow evening. About the same time the Boyfriend's plane departs for NY for the week.

one year, three weeks out of radiation and still ALL CLEAR!

Honey had her last set of xrays last week, and I took the morning off work to go to the vet with her, the boyfriend and the boyfriend’s sister, who was visiting for spring break. Her lungs were still all clear, and the lump I found the week before wound up being fatty tissue and not a tumor – this makes her a full year out of radiation and still in stasis – no progression. I seriously almost hugged the vet techs. And I’m fairly sure the vet thinks I’m nuts. I directed him to this lump, on her belly and slightly smaller around than a dine, and he was surprised I’d noticed it while it was still so small. I told him I do weekly full-body dog inspections.

So the boyfriend’s sister got here last Saturday for a weeklong stay. Literally the first thing that happened was our downstairs neighbors started world war 3, and at 5 am were chasing each other around in the middle of the street screaming at each other. The first legible words we caught were “you sent naked pictures of yourself to a married American man!! You have two weeks to get your shit out and I never want to talk to you again!” None of us could figure out why it mattered that this guy was American (the neighbors are too, so it really makes ZERO sense) but after about an hour we called the cops. And then we called them the next night, and the one after…. But by Tuesday night he apparently had a new girlfriend, so we had a whole other range of noises to listen to. I’ve taken to moving chairs around on the non-carpeted areas of our living room every morning before I make coffee. So I think we all finally slept for a few nights, and then at 3 am Thursday night our toilet randomly started flushing.. And didn’t stop for about 45 minutes. I guess that’s better than it backing up, but again, no sleeping. Plus there was an early morning vet trip and my usual ‘omg Honey’s going to be sick’ flip out. Poor kid, it couldn’t have been a very cool spring break.

Honey did flip out when the bf’s sister left to fly back to Florida. It was my fault, we left her at home and took luggage for the airport trip, but I figured she’d chill out by that evening. Nope, she was still totally convinced that we had lost a pack member. Honestly, that dog is never happier than when we have overnight guests, she gets to move from bed to bed and lick lots of faces. Its quite cute, she just gets really nervous when they leave. I can’t wait for bf’s WEEKLONG trip to NY to lecture……. I’ll have to lay in a supply of nonperishable foods so I don’t starve, cause you KNOW I can’t leave her alone for a trip to the grocery store.

Wonderdog & the 9 Month Checkup

This is an old photo, but I love it.


I never really realize how worried I am about things until they're over. Honey goes in every 3 months for chest xrays and a checkup at her oncologist, and every time I get all flipped out. I think I've slept a total of 9 hours this week. Her appointment was Monday but we had a dead battery so it got pushed to today. This had the added advantage of letting my blood pressure increase for another 4 days. The boy took her in without me 'cause I had bunches of stuff to do at work, but he just called and not only did she weigh in at 58 pounds (from an all-time low of 42.5 in the throws of radiation side - effects) but her lungs are STILL CLEAR, and the lump we found on her side is a “fatty mass” which is a pretty gross thought but also way better than anything else it could have been. Her eye, which had started looking particularly nasty within the last few days, isn’t a retinal detachment or bleed, she cut her cornea scratching. They gave her some antibiotics and sent her hone with the ‘all clear’. The only downside is that since radiation she’s become downright mean to other dogs. I think it’s a combination of her knowing she’s not in great shape, her vision loss, and her insane level of spoiled that’s only increased since she got sick (prime example was last night, when we wanted to go to bed but she was laying across ALL our pillows, so instead of moving her, we each found about 6 inches of headspace and just toughed it out). I’ve never been happier than right now with my lumpy fat injured mean dog.



I do have some bad news. One of our neighbors had a dog named Smoke who was a rescue and about as spoiled as Honey. He died this week. He didn’t seem to have any real major health problems, but he was an older dog. He always used to lean against my legs or nuzzle me, and was one of the 2 or 3 dogs Honey would let near me without trying to eat. I’ve been told that one day Honey will die too, and it’s something I can’t think about without tears.

June 18th - 4 months out of radiation and happy as a dog wiht her own couch...

I seriously can’t believe it’s been over a month since I posted here. I guess it was easier at first, when she was feeling different every day, but now it’s just like we have the Hun back, except maybe a little more playful. I keep thinking that maybe she knows she’s got cancer and is living with a little more energy than before, but whenever I share this idea with other people, they tend to tell me that she was probably feeling a little sickly before we noticed something was wrong.

Quick recap in case you’ve just joined us: my guy and I boarded Honey when we went to FL for xmas/Hanukkah. When we dropped her off, she was fine. When we picked her up, she was so sick. We did two rounds of antibiotics and then the vet found a lump in her hard palate. It was a tumor, and we did a month of radiation, then two weeks of the worst side effects ever. I go back and forth between kicking myself for boarding her, and being glad we did because she would have probably had a much more advanced cancer if she hadn’t developed the secondary infection which initially led us to the vet.

Anyways, Honey’s beyond spoiled. The longest period of time she’s been alone since January this year is about 4 hours. She’s also sleeping on her own bed again and best of all, SHE CAN BREATHE OUT OF HER NOSE so I can sleep. It’s fantastic. Last weekend her Zadie was here for father’s day and she played fetch with him for about 3 days straight, and insisted on sleeping on the air mattress with him instead of on her couch (yes, HER couch. A neighbor moved out and gave it to us, and it’s exactly honey-sized). The only lingering problem we seem to be having is her eye – her left eye was in the beam of the radiation and the tear duct is permanently destroyed. We give her cyclosporine eye drops daily, and they’re actually bringing back her ability to produce tears, but it probably won’t ever be 100%. She’s also learned that the eye drops feel good so it’s supereasy to give them to her. Other than that, the radiation side effects cleared up, and although it took almost 3 months out from the last treatment to get there, she can breathe normally again. She’s also gaining back the weight she lost, and we’re actually at the point now where we can’t see her ribs any more. I think that might have had something to do with all those slices of muenster she’s getting as treats…. She’s also got ALL her face hair back, and it’s about half white half brown. We were assured that if it came back at all it would be all white, so I’m taking the salt-and-pepper effect to be a good thing.

And since she was diagnosed in January, and given 2 months, she would have died 3 months ago. Instead, today I get to go home and play fetch and cuddle with her while we lay around like slobs and watch Deadliest Catch.

YEEEEEEEEEEEAH - best May 7th ever. EVER.

So 7 days of horrible sleep and calling Honey 'tripod' even though she wasn't in the least fussed by the biopsy were finally over at around 2 this afternoon when the vet called and told me the tumor was BENIGN!! Now I guess we just call her ‘lumpy’ or ‘bride of Frankenstein’ due to the scars that look like stitches. Her breathing has changed in the last 2 or 3 days – she’s breathing out of her nose a teensy bit more, which is fantastic ‘cause its heading the right way, but she’s starting to spit the ball out and her sleep is suffering. We have to wait until she’s about half out before prying open her mouth and sticking the ball in. Fortunately, she’s incredibly tolerant. I have a feeling the cuddling and telling her how good she is for 10 minutes helps, too. Nonetheless, Cam is on an expedition to various pet stores looking for a slightly smaller ball that might let her keep her mouth a little more closed, and maybe a bit more comfy.

For those of you who know Honey, she did two very reassuring things in the last 2 days – Sunday she found a plastic water bottle (god knows where) and would have annihilated it if I hadn’t intervened, and this afternoon she and Cameron found a basketball and Cameron text messaged me “Honey has a new basketball to play with. I think it’s gonna be an awesome toy – very sturdy” at 3:57:12 pm today and then at 3:58:35 I got “never mind, shark dog ate it” YAY HONEY!!

Oh, and this weekend we went to a help a friend move (translation: we sat around and drank wine and looked at her boxes) and Honey made sure to completely and thoroughly inspect every one, then requisitioned the couch throw pillows, made a nest, and passed out. The pillows were destined for Goodwill so she even got to take them home.

I’m going home to feed her some leftover Passover macaroons.

Cancer Survivor

Looks like we’re out of the woods depression-wise! We’ve been weaning off pred for about a week now and no bad side effects like lethargy or excessive sleeping. Also, Cameron went to New York for three days and she was ok with it (!!!) which is new and exciting. When she was doing radiation she used to freak out if it got past 9 or 10 pm and cam wasn’t home yet – nights he worked were a real joy, and she’s do the ‘where’s daddy’ dance – pacing, whining, the odd howl, heavy panting, sometimes shaking – just a total freak out ‘oh god where is he’ situation. Nothing I did could calm her down, but we dropped him off at the airport and she wasn’t exactly thrilled, there was some watching out the window and then for the first day she would pull me towards the parking lot whenever we went for a walk, looking for him near the car, but last night she even slept in her own bed all night, which is unfreakingheardof. I worked from home (LOVE that my job lets me do that) Wednesday and Thursday and Cameron’s plane already landed, he’ll probably be home in like 35 minutes. Wish I could be there to see the festival of daddy has returned Honey’s going to throw when she sees him.

Her hair is almost grown in now, I’ll take some pictures tonight of the white-faced Hon. The coolest part, though, is that some of the hair is coming back in BROWN and we were assured that it would be completely white if it came back at all. Wunderdog! She also looks lovely in her new ‘cancer survivor’ bandana – which she is now, a bona fide cancer survivor. I think I even saw her breathing out of her nose a little over the last few days, and she seems to have more of a sense of smell. The only variable that’s still really up in the air is the tumor shrinkage – radiation kills the cells when they try to replicate, so they won’t die until they try and grow, so it can take up to 3 months for the tumor to shrink all that it’s going to. We finished on February 29th so today is April 18th – we have 40 days left until we can reasonable assume it’s as small as it’s going to get. The catch is this – if it doesn’t shrink enough for her to breathe out of her nose, we may have to have it debulked, which is a surgery where they would go in and remove the majority of the tumor so she could have a clear airway. The other thing that would go wrong is if it shrinks TOO much, because it metastasized through the roof of her mouth (that means it ate the bone that separates her mouth from her sinuses – her hard palate) so if it goes away to the point where there’s no tumor to form this barrier, she will have to have surgery to create one and keep her sinuses free of food / other stuff in her mouth. Please keep your fingers crossed for perfect shrinkage.

In new-place news, it’s awesome but our furniture doesn’t fit and Cameron still hates my grey Formica table, but it looks WAY too much like an airstream to throw it away. We’re starting to actually get some stuff settled and decorated decently, but ultimate ‘our house is perfect ness’ is a long way off. However, it is starting to look like a nursery, which I LOVE!

New digs, doggiedepression and indoor fetch.

We’re finally all moved in. our new place has less closet space and less wall space, so where to put the desk / table is a problem, but we’re working on it. Honey figured out what was up pretty quick and hasn’t tried to walk to the old apartment at all. I can’t tell if her nose is improving or not, I know the vet said up to 3 months for it to shrink, and we finished the 29th of Feb., but I really wish it would totally go away, and fast. She’s snoring a lot more now, so maybe that means she’s getting some sir moving through her nose, but I’m not sure. She still makes the gasping noises and doesn’t like her lip prop. But… she’s starting to re-grow the hair on her face! It’s white and the skin is a really really dark black, so it’s pretty noticeable.

The one bad thing is that she got really lethargic when we started weaning her off prednisone, so we took her in to get her 3 1 month checkup early and they upped her dose again, saying she was getting depressed. They said it was pretty normal, with the moving and the drug levels decreasing but I was still pretty upset. We’re trying to get into a routine asap so she feels more comfortable. We also had some people over which she loves. After we upped her pred she seemed to get over it and is doing honeystuff like destroying boxes and being totally obsessed with a ball that rolled under the bed. I hope we can wean her off it soon – I know she needs to gain weight (she’s 47.5) but I hate to keep her medicated.

In other news, we can now play actual real fetch in the house – which is incredible and sooo awesome. And the windows are really fantastic, she loved barking out of them. I set up a bird bath and a hummingbird feeder, but I think so far no dice, which is weird because I’ve seen hummingbirds checking the feeder out, but that was over a 2 day span, then nothing. I wonder if the feeder is broken…

I took some cool pics of honey playing last night and ill post them later – left my camera at home, but in the meantime check out this vintage Hon at my parents house, Christmastime 2004ish. the top pic is her napping on the couch, the bottom is her 'tasting' the lawn ornament she stole from somehwere in my my parents neighborhood...

blue skin nosicle and a 1 week check up!

I know it’s been a while since I posted about Honey’s progress, but I’ve been hangin’ with the doggiegrandparents and Tybee. The vet said Honey was looking really good, and was indeed starting to heal. Apparently the animals get worse for about a week and then turn a corner and get batter pretty rapidly. She was starting to get pink skin around the edges of her sores, and today (it’s Sunday morning) the majority of her skin (the nosicle area that was raw and sore) is purply and pinkish and it’s feeling so much better she is letting us touch / kiss it. These are healing pictures! - Honey with Becca, her favorite lady, Honey with Nancy, the doggiegrandma, and Honey at the Grove, which is an outdoor mall, rockin' out in the shade (her nosicle is sensitive to the sun).



We’ve taken her everywhere in the last few days, the Grove, the Promenade (both outdoor malls) and a few restaurants where she had to wait in the car, but we checked on her every 10 minutes or so. It’s fantastic; everything we’ve done all weekend has been centered on ‘what can we do with Honey?’ and if we can’t bring the dog, we don’t do it. Honey’s really responding. Lots of strangers are giving her pets and she’s getting to smell lots of new and interesting things. Last night she even slept on her own bed all night. At first we were nervous, but the end result was that I got a whole night of sleep as well, and it’s awesome. First thing this morning she got up on our bed and it looked like she was breathing out of her nose, but we couldn’t be sure.

There is some bad news, though, she has a bump on the inside of her right ear that’s new (in the last week) and we’re going to need to have it biopsied. The vet couldn’t get a good sample of it with a needle so we have to have her sedated so they can get some of it to look at on a slide. It’s in a fairly easy place to get to if it needs to be removed, the inside flap of her ear, but that’s not something you want to hear.

All the bases. All of them. Every. Single. One.

Last night we took Honey to a shamanic healer and he gave her an Ayurvedic Analysis. He took some of her hair and looked at the structure; I think to determine if anything was out of balance and then infused her collar with some mantras targeted at the physical areas of her body she’s having trouble with (nose, mouth, skin, feet). I don’t totally understand how it works but Ayurveda literally translates to ‘knowledge of life’ and the goal is to help her body restore itself using mantras and specific chants, whose energy is held in her collar. We used the collar Fiona gave her for Christmas, and when I told my dad his only response was “well, you do live in LA”. I guess Honey is now truly a southern California dog.

This morning her face was really bothering her and she kept trying to paw at it. its so awful when she does that – she keeps opening it up and bleeding and there’s just no way to explain to her that she’s hurting herself more, and I don’t know that she feels it as pain or just discomfort, but evidently its not enough of a deterrent to stop her from pawing. It would be really funny is it wasn’t so sad – “honey – stop that, you’re killing yourself. Really, have a little foresight” I feel bad that we have to yell to get her to stop it, like I’m a total monster because I’m scolding a hurt dog.

Cameron took her to the vet while he went to an audition this morning, because we can’t leave her alone or she scratches at her face. He said she was feeling ok this afternoon, which makes me happy because I was afraid we were going to have to up her meds again. On a related note, I’m not posting pictures of her any more because she looks really awful – out concerns about her face are about preventing infection, and it basically looks like one massive sore. I’m sure the scar tissue is going to be significant, as her lips are already tighter where they’re raw. I promised her I wouldn’t post photos of her that I wouldn’t want posted if it was me, and I’m also a little concerned about freaking people (MY MOM) out, so if you’re wondering what bad side effects (she’s being used in the vet’s book for an ‘this is how awful it can look’ example) from radiation look like, I can email you a picture.

Ding Dong the Dog is Fed

This is just an FYI - through many many nights of trial and error we finally found some things Honey will eat dispite the pain in her mouth. I'm listing them in case anyone else is going through this and needs ideas. I realize we're in a unique situation regarding her food alelrgies, but I got into a conversation with a woman whose dog had IBS and was going through radiation, and we were able to swap some ideas, so hopefully this will help someone:

• Kraft singles (american, extra calcium, good for smuggling pills)
• Saifun / rice noodles (made of mung beans or rice, clear, in the asian food section) smothered in butter
• Lamb babyfood
• Rice baby cereal (its a good medium for mixing in other babyfoods as well)
• Assorted vegetable babyfoods
• Prunes (as the pain got worse, switched to prune baby food)
• Sweet potato
• Potato skin cut into strips and smothered in butter
• Yogurt
• Ice cream / pinkberry (plain or vanilla, no toppings, NO CITRUS)
• Raw spinach (washed very well)
• Canned salmon (lowest salt possible, in oil)
• EGGS!!! an omlete or scrambled egg 'piece' is also really good for smuggling pills. I usually add other stuff to the egg, like some baby food or salmon and finely chopped spinach or other veggies. It also helps to add about a tablespoon of milk per egg when you scramble them, it makes them fluffier.

And because we think the spoon hurts her mouth now, we're hand feeding her. I think this also helps because she likes to lick us so much anyways that it's just a bonus that we happen to be covered in lamb and rice. And we're telling her how good she is the entire time.

"Right on schedule" 11/9 (11 sessions down, 9 to go)

Good news always comes with bad, I suppose. It looks like the part of the tumor in her mouth is shrinking, but she’s starting to have side effects from the radiation. We found a small sore on her chin last night, about a quarter of an inch around that had no skin and was raw, but didn’t seem to bother her too much. She also started spitting out the mouth prop all the time, really not tolerating it. We varied our arsenal a little, introducing a neoprene pad for lip separation and a rubbery valve that work for a few minutes before she vetoes it. This weekend was good – she always seems to feel better by Sunday, so it’s especially sad to see her going off to radiation. I’m having real trouble seeing past this – I think part of me thinks she’s not going to get any better, ever. Today the vet told us he’s starting to see signs of the side-effects, such as the little sore and they also said that her gums and the insides of her lips are looking pretty raw – more so than they anticipated. We think this is from the lip props. So we’re facing the prospect of having her unable to handle a lip prop and unable to breathe from her nose. Hello, sleeping in 3 hours shifts. The vet also said she took a while to wake up today, I’m not sure what that means, but I’m impressed that a dog who had only been under general anesthesia once, when she was spayed, is doing so well now she’s getting it every day.

We do have some pain killers – they start with a‘t’ I cant remember the name exactly, I want to say ‘turbinado’ but that’s sugar - I know it flipped her out a little the first time I gave it to her, she actually howled, so we’re thinking maybe if we start giving her when we’re both home that she’ll feel better. Tonight I’m going to start completely pulverizing her food, and we’re going to have to switch to canned soon. Neither of which I’m looking forward to – I think wet dog food of any type is the grossest thing on the planet. Really, when I was working as a wildlife rehabilitator I used to have to actively keep from gagging while I fed baby birds (the baby birds ate soggy puppy food, and the smell wouldn’t come off my hands, even with bleach).

So it looks like fetch will soon stop. I really, really hope the tumor in her nose is reacting the same way the section in her mouth is, and pulling back. It would be AWESOME to sleep through the night again. I think I could manage it even if she was sleeping on our bed – which she started doing immediately after the CT scan – sort of, fine, do what you will but I’m sleeping between you and I’m taking the good throw blanket, so there.

In other news, my parents got a dog, and it’s really cute to see my mom so excited. It’s also weird to be giving ‘here’s how you teach a puppy to sit’ directions in the middle of ‘here’s how we a shrink a dog’s tumor’ training. Sigh.

Something really good and unrelated happened Friday, though, I sent off my family tree to the Northbrook Historical Society. I’ve been working on it for about three years now, and it finally reached a point where it was organized enough for others to understand and maybe benefit from if they’re researching the same families. I’m quite thrilled.