waiting on the phone

this time for a cytology report on fluid taken from her left hind foot, outside toe, which is swollen to about 3 times its normal size and obviously painful, and the lymph node at the back of her left knee. Could be ‘several things’ according to the doctor. Not least of all a tumor. Doesn’t help that we're supposed to leave for Florida (driving, so Honey can come, and looking forward to spending some time just the 3 of us) Friday earlyearly. Like as early as my dad used to wake me up to go fishing. Part of me thinks whatever is wrong that she will feel better once we’re home and she sees family, part is freaking out at the thought that this might be her last time to see them.

Cameron took her in yesterday and they took fluid from the toe and the lymph node. We noticed the lymph swelling Monday night. I have been able to actually fall asleep, but the dreams are horrible. They're exactly like reality, it will be me standing at the sink doing dishes and Cameron standing next to me telling me that the vet said "at her age, its really unlikely that an infection would react that way" when in reality he said "the vet said it's not that uncommon for a lymph node to swell like that" but the dreams are so real that I have to wake him up and ask him which version actually happened. I also made the mistake of watching ‘I Am Legend’ and now I can’t listen to Bob Marley without crying.

Que my mother's heart attack

I was scanning recipes earlier trying to decide what I wanted to make for dinner, and had just about decided on kale-apple soup until I read the directions and the pancetta was discribed as "a little naughty" which is either the sickest thing I've ever heard or the author lives with a vegan. Either way, all I could think was "ahahahahahahahahah I have actual SALT PORK in my fridge"

If my mom ever sees this it'll take me at least 45 minutes to calm her down. Her idea of indulgent fatty horrible dath-inducing food is about maxed out, I admitted to eating a frito last week.

You have three layers of thermal undewear, I have tan toes.

The weekend in naps

Napping on 'bill' my stuffed dog

(I'm truly shocked she hasn't eaten him)

Snoozing on the couch on Saturday

I cannot understand how that's comfortable.

Wonderdog & the 9 Month Checkup

This is an old photo, but I love it.


I never really realize how worried I am about things until they're over. Honey goes in every 3 months for chest xrays and a checkup at her oncologist, and every time I get all flipped out. I think I've slept a total of 9 hours this week. Her appointment was Monday but we had a dead battery so it got pushed to today. This had the added advantage of letting my blood pressure increase for another 4 days. The boy took her in without me 'cause I had bunches of stuff to do at work, but he just called and not only did she weigh in at 58 pounds (from an all-time low of 42.5 in the throws of radiation side - effects) but her lungs are STILL CLEAR, and the lump we found on her side is a “fatty mass” which is a pretty gross thought but also way better than anything else it could have been. Her eye, which had started looking particularly nasty within the last few days, isn’t a retinal detachment or bleed, she cut her cornea scratching. They gave her some antibiotics and sent her hone with the ‘all clear’. The only downside is that since radiation she’s become downright mean to other dogs. I think it’s a combination of her knowing she’s not in great shape, her vision loss, and her insane level of spoiled that’s only increased since she got sick (prime example was last night, when we wanted to go to bed but she was laying across ALL our pillows, so instead of moving her, we each found about 6 inches of headspace and just toughed it out). I’ve never been happier than right now with my lumpy fat injured mean dog.



I do have some bad news. One of our neighbors had a dog named Smoke who was a rescue and about as spoiled as Honey. He died this week. He didn’t seem to have any real major health problems, but he was an older dog. He always used to lean against my legs or nuzzle me, and was one of the 2 or 3 dogs Honey would let near me without trying to eat. I’ve been told that one day Honey will die too, and it’s something I can’t think about without tears.

The election, a boring (but awesome) weekend and the Honeydog

Waiting in line to vote

'Huns for Change'

Honey ‘barking for Obama’ and the sunset from my office on election night – the glowing buildings are in Koreatown and the sun is setting in Santa Monica. Wish I had cut out the car park... On election day we woke up at 5:30 to stand in line for two hours (in the rain, then in a room that smelled like fish) to vote. After work, I went to book club (we read Bel Canto – if you haven’t read it, it’s one of my favorites) and we were in someone’s living room with the tv and radio turned off. About 8, I think everyone in the entire complex started screaming at once. Berthenia sent me a text message that said ‘Florida went Blue’ and I guess that cinched it. We broke out the Obama cupcakes. I was really expecting another ordeal – I was really shocked it was over so fast. Cam picked me up and we went to this bar, South, in Santa Monica, to watch the speech. About halfway through, I looked around the bar and it was totally packed, completely silent and about half the people were crying. The first song they played after the speech was ‘it’s a beautiful day’. We went home and watched the news.

(Seriously though, they're going to have to repaint the elks lodge to kill that fish stink)

The sunset from our roof Saturday the weekend was great – all I did was nap and wake up periodically to cook. I made game hens for the first time Saturday night, and Sunday I made pear and ginger preserves with rosemary and burned myself (cause I’m that slick). It was really interesting that the tops of the jars popped in record time after I took them out of the canner. Usually I have to wait for them to cool, all 6 jars made the ‘fop’ sound within the first two minutes.

This morning we were supposed to take Honey to the vet for her 9 month post-radiation xrays, but the car battery was dead. This is like the third time that thing has died. We'll reschedule the xrays as soon as we know what's up with the car.

Oh, please let me in... I'm just a poor lost little leaf out in the cold....