Wednesday, September 26, 2007


So I've started having pains in my jaw, which means one of three things according to WebMD -

1) I'm having a heart attack

2) I have TMJ (which i DO NOT Have, or if I do, I'll never know, because that requires a trip to the doctor and/or dentist)

3) I'm stressed out

so I’m goin' with #3, which is odd because I've had a pretty packed and hardcore 2 weeks at work, but I thought I was being remarkably calm. Evidently, I'm being calm during the day while grinding my teeth for like 8 hours a night. Awesome. So like any good librarian, I did research on how to reduce stress levels. Apparently massage, baths, lavender smellie things, puppies, chocolate and meditation all reduce stress. My apartment is too small for a puppy (DAMN), baths are really boring, and usually too hot or too cold, my boyfriend gives lame massages, I'm not wild about chocolate, and whenever I've tried to meditate I've fallen asleep. So it's off to the aromatherapy store conveniently located in the building next door.... where the woman behind the counter tried alternately to sell me a $45 candle – "I think that watching that burn would actually INCREASE my stress level"- and portable lavender roll-on body scent - "I don't want to smell like lavender, I want to small like Chanel. I just want to calm down"- but she just kinda cocked her head to one side like my dog does when i make a cat noise, and wafted by in her fuggy haze of dirt and gardenias to show me a twig diffuser or some such nonsense.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

I'm a slacker, I know, I know...

ok, I know it's been forever and frankly, not posting makes me feel guilty and its easier to just completely ignore this blog.

But I'm going to honestly make a real effort to post, I promise. So far this month I have started going to the gym again and using those festively hued ankle bands the physical therapist gave me and now I can (DRUMROLL) actually wear (low) heels again :)!! The downside is that working out makes me eat everything I can see. Today (it’s 11:30) I’ve eaten a stuffed pepper, 2 cups of edamame, green beans, a slim fast, coffee, and two bananas. In the immortal words of Lewis Black, piggy piggy piggy f*ck piggy piggy.

I am so glad it's finally football season, even though the Seminoles are playing about as well as my VJ soccer team did in 9th grade. We went to some guy's house (a friend of a friend through Cam's work) to watch the Alabama game Saturday, and it was almost like being at a frat party. There were like 5 fat labs begging for food, lots of hotdogs that had been sitting out far too long, somebody's half-good homemade sauce, Vidalia onion dip, and everyone who lost their halftime predictions had to eat a spoonful of dogfood. Plus, I may have actually met some cool girls in LA, which seemed until now to be virtually impossible.

I'm also getting frequent calls from my mother, who is in south Florida helping her parents move to Tallahassee. It's a clusterf*ck of truly mythic proportions, she hasn't moved in about 35 years so her version of 'change the address on their ID cards' involves not only a two hour wait at the DMV but also the joy of being lost in a orange grove. (fyi, About two years ago someone told me that men and women didn't get along because of a difference in their approach to problem solving. According to him (and I have seen no evidence to the contrary) men solve problems, and women share. Although I sound harsh towards my sex I have to completely agree. My mom's a sharer, I'm a solver, so when I get a phone call saying she's "lost in the wilderness" my instinct is to googlemap her out, her instinct is to giggle incomprehensively until she mistakenly drives herself back to civilization. Meanwhile, my 89 year old grandparents are in the backseat pretty sure she's become completely unhinged. I'm serious; woman called me this morning to tell me she didn't know where the Salvation Army was. Not to ASK where it was, just toe tell me she didn't know.

In other news, Pear Vodka + blueberry Italian soda = :)