Wednesday, December 17, 2008

waiting on the phone

this time for a cytology report on fluid taken from her left hind foot, outside toe, which is swollen to about 3 times its normal size and obviously painful, and the lymph node at the back of her left knee. Could be ‘several things’ according to the doctor. Not least of all a tumor. Doesn’t help that we're supposed to leave for Florida (driving, so Honey can come, and looking forward to spending some time just the 3 of us) Friday earlyearly. Like as early as my dad used to wake me up to go fishing. Part of me thinks whatever is wrong that she will feel better once we’re home and she sees family, part is freaking out at the thought that this might be her last time to see them.

Cameron took her in yesterday and they took fluid from the toe and the lymph node. We noticed the lymph swelling Monday night. I have been able to actually fall asleep, but the dreams are horrible. They're exactly like reality, it will be me standing at the sink doing dishes and Cameron standing next to me telling me that the vet said "at her age, its really unlikely that an infection would react that way" when in reality he said "the vet said it's not that uncommon for a lymph node to swell like that" but the dreams are so real that I have to wake him up and ask him which version actually happened. I also made the mistake of watching ‘I Am Legend’ and now I can’t listen to Bob Marley without crying.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Que my mother's heart attack

I was scanning recipes earlier trying to decide what I wanted to make for dinner, and had just about decided on kale-apple soup until I read the directions and the pancetta was discribed as "a little naughty" which is either the sickest thing I've ever heard or the author lives with a vegan. Either way, all I could think was "ahahahahahahahahah I have actual SALT PORK in my fridge"

If my mom ever sees this it'll take me at least 45 minutes to calm her down. Her idea of indulgent fatty horrible dath-inducing food is about maxed out, I admitted to eating a frito last week.